In a recent article in DETAILS magazine, Yaran Noti writes about marriages where couples keep completely separate finances.  Now, they are married and they live together.  They just simply keep separate bank accounts, credit cards, bills, retirement savings, etc.  Anything you can think of financially, they keep separate.  I am a huge supporter of this idea because the majority of marriages that end up in divorce, the contention is usually about money.  People are funny about money.

Many people will say that that is simply not a marriage.  A marriage is suppose to be a joining of 2 individuals.  They want everything to be shared, including finances. But in my opinion, this causes more trouble than it’s worth.  Why start out a perfectly good marriage by ruining it by throwing money into the mix?  No, it’s not the traditional view of what married couples do, but I’d much rather prepare for the worse and hope for the best, then to hope for the best…period.

I’m also a big advocate for prenuptial agreements for everybody who ever gets married – poor or rich or homeless.  Everyone who’s marrying should have a prenuptial agreement.  Most of what makes up a prenuptial agreement is – you guessed it – MONEY.  Most couples in this country don’t execute prenuptial agreements and that is why there are so many contentious divorces and such a huge demand for divorce lawyers.  If everyone who marries had prenuptial agreements, we’d have less divorce attorneys in Massachusetts and around the country.  Again, I’d much rather prepare for the worse and hope for the best then to simply hope for the best.

Anyone who’s getting married. A prenup isn’t only for individuals or couples with a lot of money. It is a versatile document that not only outlines how pre-marital assets are to be treated but also debts, marital obligations, future division of property, alimony, etc. There is almost no limit to what can be written into a properly drafted prenup.

Is there anything that a prenup can’t include?

Yes. A prenup cannot predetermine how child custody or child support is determined. The standard is always the best interest of the child.

When should I sign a prenup?

Ideally, you should have a prenuptial agreement drawn up and signed at least 6 months before your wedding date. This gives the prenup more validity since at a later time, neither party can claim that they were forced to sign the prenup under duress of not getting married after all the invitations have been sent out.

Do I need an attorney to draft a prenup?

You not only need an attorney, but you and your fiance should each retain separate attorneys. The language of a prenup needs to be very specific and all legal formalities need to be followed. Or else, if you ever need it, it won’t be valid.

Why should I get a prenup? Doesn’t it kill the romance?

You always hope for the best, but plan for the worse. It is no different than planning for life insurance, durable power of attorney, health care proxy or a trust. People do those things because they hope they’ll never need to cash in a life insurance policy, or need to use their power of attorney or health care proxy. These are instruments and documents that you plan that you’ll never have to use.

But if you do need them, they will be invaluable. A prenup is invaluable if you need to use it.

And I don’t believe it needs to kill any romance whatsoever. It should be looked at not as a precursor to a divorce, but as loving each other so much and so dearly that you are willing to care for their future. You are planning out of love instead of fighting out of hate if you are to divorce. Given the choice, I’d choose love any day.